An Unfortunate Death
I didn’t know him as well as I thought that I should have done. They all agreed with me that however much I tried, even if every once in a blue moon, I would and could not realise his feelings and dreams that he had felt and lived for. It wasn’t my fault, it’s not as if he were an open book desperately waiting to be read. This thought of my lack of trying to comprehend him, has haunted me ever since. If I’d just understood. I could have found out so much more about him. All I needed was one day. Just a day. It’s not as if I had none to give him. It’s not like he never expected anything from me. He should have done. I took advantage of him. I knew it, everyone else knew it, yet did I do anything about it? No. It was too late. I was too late. So as I said, this thought is still haunting me, and I’ll try to explain to you why.
I decided to skip going to see Sam in the hospital, deciding to go the cinema with my other mates, the people to be with if you wanted a good time. I knew I wouldn’t get a good time if I went to see him. Stuck in that horrible brown chair with the hard wooden arms and the moth eaten cushions. Fun. Sitting in front of Sam, watching him sleep, having to count the ceiling tiles again for the fifteenth time. I don’t think so somehow. Not when I can be watching “The Mighty Trio” (I have to say it in that deep, bellowing voice otherwise it just wouldn’t be the same). What a great film that was! The guy at the end did a well good stunt where he crashed his car and flipped it over and over. Anyway, after we come out of the cinema I was going to see Sam. Honestly I was. But when everyone said they were going to ‘Pizza Palace,’ the new pizza place that’s opened just a few hundred yards down the road from the hospital, I just couldn’t miss out! So we walked there; we had to go past the hospital to get there which made me feel bad but I got over it when I tasted the supreme beef pizza; and I was going to go straight to the hospital after I’d finished eating. So when I finished I got up to go and said bye to everyone, although I didn’t really want to ‘cause they were going to turn up at a party we’d heard about (which turned out to be the best night they’d ever had apparently).
I popped into the rental shop to get “The Mighty Duo” (yes, said in the same voice, but I’ll let you do it yourself) on DVD on the way to the hospital – I hadn’t seen it in ages and going to the cinema brought back funny memories. I got to the hospital and went my usual way to go see Sam. Like a routine I went through the first double doors, up the stairs, and along the corridor to the second room on the right in the Lake Ward. When I got there though I bumped into Sam’s nurse who told me that I couldn’t see him because visiting hours were over. I couldn’t believe it! I could have gone to the party and everything! So I walked back down the double doors and walked out. I felt a bit guilty actually. I did want to see Sam but I couldn’t spend every bit of my time there, whether I hadn’t seen him in the last week or not.
I went straight home after trying to go to the hospital. There was no point in going to the party because one, I didn’t want to turn up on my own, and two, I didn’t actually know where it was. So I went to bed. Not very interesting really accept I got a call really early in the morning. It was Sam’s mum. She was crying down the phone and I could tell that something had happened. She managed to tell me through her sobs that Sam’s health had been slowly deteriorating through the night and that he’d just died. Sam… dead? I didn’t understand. He was fine last week! Once I hung up the phone I cried. I still refuse to admit to anyone else but I did. Yes, a nineteen year old boy cried. I just couldn’t believe that he was dead.
I found out what had happened to Sam a few days later. He’d been suffering for a few days because body was rejecting food and his medicines had stopped having an effect. His dad told me he’d been coughing up blood in his last hours and pretty much bleeding out of each orraphis nearer the end, which must have been so horrible for him. He had been expecting me as well in the afternoon and was asking where I was and why I hadn’t been to see him before he died. It made me feel sick when he told me that. My stomach churned and turned in my body like a snail in it’s shell and a lump appeared in my throat so I couldn’t breathe. Why had I been so selfish?? I had to go to the cinema to watch that film, what’s its name with those guys. I might have still been allowed in to see Sam after if I hadn’t had that stupid pizza. I took advantage of him, thinking that he wouldn’t mind if I didn’t go to see him. There are so many things we should have talked about like how he felt, what his aspirations were. Maybe it would have saved him if I went. Gave him a reason not to give in even if he new he had things to live for, if they were put in perspective. Perspective. That’s what it is. I never had that before now. I hated myself.
I hope a lesson has been learnt here. I thought it was just a day, only a day. How wrong I’ve been. Now I’ve learnt my lesson, when will you learn yours?
Natalie Dennis Back-up 